It's official, my 2 year old has entered the "Jerk Phase". This morning alone after getting her dressed which was a chore in itself, she took off her sweatshirt twice after I told her not to lord knows how many times. She thought it was hilarious which I think makes me even more annoyed. Then after doing her hair she pulled the rubber bands out and laughed so she looked like a younger female version of Alfalfa. After fixing her hair, she immediately started taking the rubber band out again. I yelled no, grabbed her hand and gave it a little smack. Not hard. She finds it funny when I get upset. She hits her brother and does things to make him mad on purpose. Maybe it's payback for him doing it to her. I'm not sure. Looks like my baby is growing up.
Things have been going pretty good. I've been on Zoloft for a few months and it definitely seems to be helping. I've been working out and eating healthy. Down 12 pounds and feeling better about myself. I've been going to the gym to run then doing a cardio workout at home when I can't make it to the gym.
My boyfriend is amazing. He's the sweetest most helpful guy I've ever met. OCD is trying to ruin it by questioning my feelings for him. It's called Relationship OCD. Whenever I'm really happy it tries to ruin it. It sucks. I've had it in the past and also with my family members and even my kids. It's awful. Luckily, he's also the most understanding guy in the world and does all he can to help me and make me feel better. I'm so glad that I finally found him and I won't let OCD ruin that for me.
My patience has been pretty bad lately with my kids. Makes me feel like a crappy Mom. Especially with my oldest. We argue a lot. Seems like all I do is yell at them. It's terrible. I looked up a few articles on how to improve my patience and implemented some of the strategies last night. It definitely seemed to work. I'm going to try my hardest to be the Mom that my kids deserve and need.
I miss food. Food always makes me feel better. I wish being fat was cool because I would own at that.
My oldest is starting kindergarten in the fall. Where the hell has the time gone. I worry that struggling so much with the OCD in the past has made me miss out on a lot of them growing up. She has a bacterial infection in her arm from a shot she got at the doctors. Makes me feel secure about them going to the doctors now....sarcasm. She's on antibiotics and getting better thank God.
So literally every single day that I pick my kids up from school, my son has a meltdown. No idea why, when I ask him why he's crying he says he doesn't know. He doesn't get a nap during the day because he goes back and fourth to his therapy and I think that really gets to him. It's a pretty miserable ride home and it puts me in a bad mood which makes my patience very thin. My Mom said she thinks he's hangry. Very likely could also be why so I'm going to start keeping snacks in the car for them.
I need a vacation, like some far away tropical place where I can sit out on a patio surrounded by palm trees and sip on drinks with little umbrellas in them.
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