Monday, March 6, 2017

Unmedicated Motherhood

I have a goal.  Eventually I want to become a professional blogger.  I know how difficult it is but I think with my life and my story, I can actually reach people in a different way. 

Since starting my blog back up last year, my posts have been very random.  I'm going to start writing at least twice a week, probably more since writing tends to be very therapeutic. 

Here's an update.  I quit my fulltime job so I'm just serving/bartending at the restaurant now.  I'm not with the other guy anymore....he ended up being just like my ex...ew.  Luckily it didn't take me as long to realize it!  I'm seeing a guy I met at my old job.  He's quite incredible and I'm terrified to jinx it so I'm not going to say anymore.

I stopped taking all prescribed meds about 3 weeks ago.  Since starting Prozac, I gained 15 pounds.  I was also at a job that went from being very enjoyable to being extremely stressful and anxiety provoking.  Gaining the weight was causing me to be depressed.  I tried exercising and eating healthy for a few weeks and nothing happened.  I couldn't lose the weight.  I spend a few weeks doing some research on all natural supplements and vitamins that could help me in the same way as prescribed meds and came across a few options.  After speaking with my psychiatrist, he confirmed that I wouldn't lose the weight while on medication, and since my OCD seemed to have been under control, he wanted to try me off of it for a while and thought trying the natural supplements was a good idea.

So here I am, 3 weeks later, taking 900mg of St Johns Wort, 3 vitamin B and C stress formula tablets, 1440mg of DHA Omega-3 Fish Oil, 250mg of Magnesium, 1000iu of Vitamin D3, 65mg of Iron, and 2 tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar.  All of this is a combination to help with anxiety, depression and to aid in weight loss.  I've started working out again and eating healthy.  When I say healthy, I mean lots of veggies (mostly green), protein, healthy carbs, healthy fats.  Apple Cider Vinegar not only helps balance out your bodies PH levels but it also aids in weight loss by curbing your appetite.  Lucky for me (complete and utter sarcasm) shark week arrived on Sunday.  If you're not quick witted enough to figure out what shark week is, just think...blood in the water...rip your face off....sorry for the visual!  So that being said, it's been difficult with the healthy eating part and also the added stress and anxiety and irritability.  I was diagnosed with PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) which is basically PMS x 100000000000.  The Prozac was also prescribed to me for that, so being off of it has made the PMDD pretty bad.  Food has been my stress relief and my friend.  Luckily it gets better a few days in so I'm finally slowly feeling better. 

Now....I'm pretty sure I terrified a complete stranger this afternoon who was trying to enjoy a nice late day jog.   After going back and fourth with number 2 who didn't want to leave the bottom step of the porch, number 3 decided to start arguing with me about leaving her 2-hour-old milkshake in my friends house.  I told her it was gone and she proceeded to argue with me about how it wasn't then jump from 4 years old to 15 and throw attitude at me.  I was already irritated so I snapped and yelled at her, just as the poor gentleman was running by.  Pretty sure I heard him poop himself a bit.  As I wrestled number 2 into the car I pondered the idea of the man calling CPS on me.  Alas, he did not and we were on our merry way back home. 

I swear to all things holy, Motherhood is just being a constant referee.  It seems like all you do is yell and argue.  After a few minutes you realize how ridiculous you must look from the outside, standing there, arms flailing, arguing with a 3 or 4 year old about not picking your nose.  My kids fight, constantly.  My parents bought the kids all their own little personalized chairs for Christmas, great idea right?  They're adorable and cute, right from Pottery Barn Kid.  Unfortunately, whenever one of them is sitting in one, the other two absolutely need that same chair, or else the world will come crashing down around them.  Cue the wrestling match. 

I've gotten good at reading cries.  Let me explain.  Every one of my kids has a specific cry for whatever is going on.  They have the whining cry when they don't get their way, probably the most annoying thing in existence.  Makes me want to scratch my ears off my head.  There's the fake cry, this one is the most pathetic and I usually have to hide my face since I'm laughing so hard, it's quite pathetic looking.  There's the fleeting injury cry, this is when there really isn't an injury, more like one of the kids smacked the other or pushed them and they're mad and want to get each other in trouble.  I usually ignore this cry unless it turns into the next one I'll mention....The heart stopping cry.  This is when they have trouble breathing because they're crying so hard.  That's when you run because you know something is wrong. 

Luckily tonight wasn't too bad.  A couple fleeting injury cries and fake cries.  Those are what most of our evenings are made up of.  And fun times putting the kids to bed.  My oldest is the worst.  I swear she has a list of excuses hidden under pillow.  She comes up with the most random crap.  It's annoying as hell but quite interesting at the same time, that's when her imagination really shines!

I think I'll wrap this up and call it a night.

The last few weeks have been rough.  My patience has been very thin and it shows.  It makes me feel very guilty.  Everyone tells me it's normal and everyone has rough times with there kids.  Because of my OCD and Anxiety it just always hits me a bit harder.  My OCD girls know what I'm talking about! 

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