Friday, November 18, 2016

Ever Changing

Hey guys.  So it's been a few days since I posted, and as usual, lots of changes, again.  The guy I was seeing that dumped me, we're trying again.  After telling me how sorry he was and how he made a huge mistake and would do anything to prove how much he cared, I decided to give it another shot.  After all, I do care about him a lot.  I really hope I don't regret it this time.  I don't want to start over again.  I'm ready to be settled.  So much stress and ups and downs in my life that I need some kind of stability.  Whether that be at home (won't happen, 3 kids, duh), work (haha, another good laugh) or my relationships....ehhhh maybe.

Why are people so untrustworthy these days?  I'm not perfect but I try to be as honest as I can.  I just don't understand how people can be so two-faced.

Things have been a difficult lately with the kids, mainly my oldest.  She's almost 5 going on 15 and boy does she act like it.  I feel like I spend all my time yelling at her.  Everyone says that at this age that's really about what you do...but that doesn't make it any less difficult.  She's always arguing with me or talking back, she's stubborn.  I just feel awful.  It's easier to deal with the two younger ones because they don't argue back, at least not as much.  I don't want her earliest memories of me to be me yelling at her.
For example:  this morning, EVERY morning this happens by the way.  She'll get up, get in bed with me and play on my phone or the tablet for a while so I can get ready.  As soon as i'm done and want to get them dressed she starts and taking off her pajamas and has to go potty....EVERY morning....so I tell her to hurry up and go.  So she comes out, and I go to help her put on her underwear, and I tell her she has toilet paper stuck to her butt....so what does she do?  She pulls it off and throws it on the floor,....so I flip out....it could pee or poop on it or who knows!  So I yell at her and she goes, Why are you so mean to me.  It broke my frickin heart.  I felt awful.  So I said, do we throw toilet paper on the floor?  And she goes, no, so I say, ok that's why mommy got upset especially since it just CAME OFF YOUR BUTT!

So, Mommy fail.  I'm a germophobe so that stuff freaks me out.  I'm a jerk.

My youngest thought it was a good idea to poop as soon as we got in the car....sorry to the daycare teachers :(

A guy just rode by on a bike with his buttcrack sticking out...sorry, just had to throw that in there.

I know I'm going to have good days and bad days when it comes to parenting.  I just hate how the bad days seem so much more prominent.

It's going to be a long weekend....kids are gone until Thanksgiving which sucks...the boyfriend is hunting all weekend...so I'm working....Alll....Weekend....guess it's good....always can use the moneys.  Have to drive the kids an hour and a half up to their father tonight...

I need a drink....

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